Tracey says be kind to ourselves we cannot be positive all of the time

Hello, it’s Tracey. I just wanted to say that no one has to be strong all the time. I find it really hard to remain positive all the time. In the early days I used to forget I had dementia, I used to go out and about all the time. Now because my dementia affects me physically rather than mentally I find it really hard and I know I’ve got dementia more because I have to walk with two sticks now whereas I didn’t walk with any sticks to start with. But my bones are so rubbish with my dementia that I have to walk with two sticks. I see a neurophysio now to help do exercises for my balance and other things like my speech gets a bit slurry at times. My dementia affects me physically rather than mentally so for this reason it reminds me I have dementia more. I hope that makes sense to you. It really frustrates me so I get more down days. I don’t get depressed I just get fed up with having it. Some days I hate having dementia whereas in the early days I never used to think about it. Not remember I had it so I’d just get on with my days. But now everyday my feet really hurt which is part and parcel of my dementia and things like that, so I have to push through the pain threshold. And I push through because it’s important for me to do so. No matter how hard it is, my worst fear is to end up in a wheelchair, not to be able to speak, not be able to do anything, to not be able to remain independent. So I push through everyday because it’s important to. But we have to allow ourselves to have those bad days because no one can be positive all the time. And as long as I don’t focus on those bad days I really believe that tomorrows will come, and my tomorrow will come and I will be back to being bright and breezy but sometimes we have to give ourselves allowance to cry and release that pressure of despair that we get sometime with our illnesses. It’s just important really, I’ve been thinking about it quite a lot and especially with this time to talk and this malarkey, I feel we put too much pressure, well I put so much pressure on myself, I do that to myself, I put a lot of pressure on being positive, fight the good fight, we can get through this, I find it really hard now to do that. I’m not saying I feel down now because I don’t I’m being positive, I feel it frustrating, I go out and now I can’t walk on my own, I have to walk with two sticks, to remain safe, it frustrates me really, it’s a reminder all the time that I’m not like I used to be. Whereas in the old days I used to when I got a diagnosis of dementia I never gave it a thought because I it was me and I was quite able I used to do lots of walks and that and now I can’t do that. I can’t do what I used to be able to do and I find it quite frustrating and I sometimes I’m not kind to myself I put too much pressure on myself. Because I used to be a nurse I put too much pressure on myself, I have to let that bit go and say that I can only do what I can do. I mean maybe the next day I can do more. So maybe on my bad days I can rest more so I can pace myself and feel better and if I can’t do things I can’t do them. And not to punish myself, like I do in my head. That’s all I wanted to say we need to be kind to ourselves and do what we can and on the days we can’t, just to rest. Because that’s really important too. Well I hope you all have a good day, bye now.