Carol says the old me would be really excited about Christmas

Hi It’s Carol.

So I thought I’d do a Diary on my thoughts of Christmas. 🎄

The old me, that’s me pre-dementia, would be really excited by now. Cards written and posted. House extravagantly decorated.

Presents bought, neatly wrapped and placed under the tree. The tree would be decorated heavily with baubles, lights and tinsel.

The turkey and ham stored in the freezer. Christmas cake and puddings cooked and stored in the cool. Chocolates, biscuits, satsumas and nuts stored safely away from wanting eyes.

Visits planned for home and away and very much looking forward to the festive jollities.

The new me, that’s me post diagnosis, now feeling in a complete muddle,

Have I remembered everyone’s cards?
Have I got presents for everyone?
What food do I need to buy?
Decorate the house……no way!
Put the tree up and decorate, don’t think so!
Shall we put lights up outside – nah not this year!
Didn’t even think about baking a cake. Not one tiny thought.

Am I looking forward to Christmas, yes. Spending days with kids and grandkids. Lovely food. Wine, cake, sweets and games. Of course. No pressure there, all will be done for me. Fantastic.

Some if this “negativity” is down to renovating our downstairs rooms. Slightly over ran the estimated time needed. Lots of dust, paint, floor repairs etc etc.

The rest, or should I say most of it, is down to my dementia.

How can I enjoy planning Christmas when I don’t remember what to plan? What to do. How to do it. When to do it.
I don’t know what presents to buy people.

I can’t find my Christmas card list.

Have I remembered everyone.

What extra food do we need, if any.

I don’t even feel excited about Christmas if I’m honest.

I want to be, but now, with dementia it’s all hassle, remembering to not forget things. Forgetting not to remember things, The more I try to remember the more I forget. Or is it the more I try to forget the more I remember.

Is it just me? Are others feeling this way? I don’t know. I’d like to hear what others think.

I’ve tried to remain calm and relaxed about all this but it’s been hard. I want the old me back but this ain’t gonna happen.

For now tho, I just accept it, it is as it is. I’m thankful for our kids who are taking the strain this year.

But, I will enjoy Christmas, when it’s here, no doubt about that. I will make new memories, exciting memories. The food will be great, the fun, the excitement, the laughter and the games, oh yes, there’s always games! Ever played 🥕 in the box? 😂🤪

Then, in the new year, things will be back to normal, house renovations finished and time to relax and enjoy life again, without the worries of Christmas.

Dementia and Christmas….no. Not this year ☹️

Roll on the summer when I can relax outside in the sun 🌞