Carol talks about making decisions for the end of life.

Hello Dementia Diaries. It’s Carol from down in Kent on a horrible cold wet windy blustery day which seems to be the norm right now.

I just thought I’d do a diary on dying. Yes I know that’s not an easy subject to talk about it, to talk about but I don’t know about anybody else but I seem to think about the end stages of my dementia quite a lot, in fact I would say most days. I’m not suicidal don’t get the wrong end of the stick. I don’t want to die now, and please don’t think that I’ve got any sort of weird, weird deep dark thoughts, I haven’t, I assure you of that but I do think about it regularly and it does bother me and I am concerned about the end stages of dementia, and I just thought what if you could choose when to go.

Would you be happy to sort of carry on through your dementia and reach the real end, the final stages of it? Would you be happy to end up in a care home or living alone in your house with nobody close to you and just sort of taking day after day after day as it comes? You know, would you want to choose at what point in your dementia you could go, you would wish to go? Would you involve your close family if it was legal? If you was able to say .. ok when I reach stage 6 or whatever, that’s when I wish to terminate my life and if it was legal to do so, would you?

Just interested in people’s thoughts. For me I dread the final stage of dementia, but it’s something that is going to happen because the country won’t allow assisted dying. But my wish, and this is 100% my wish, and I’ve discussed it with my husband, my wish would be to be able to say when I reach .. I’m not sure about all the stages, but when I reach say for example stage 6 I would choose if it was legal and if I was able to go to somewhere, take a medication and end it. Honestly that is my true wishes, I know its not going to happen. Its going to be a long time yet before England and the rest of the world accept that that’s what people wish to do in certain circumstances. I can’t really understand why you can’t sort of make a legal document stating that if I start doing this, this and this or was unable to do this, that and something else, then I wish to end my life, legally. I just don’t see why it can’t be done, you know, solicitors and doctors and people like that can sort of be in on it so that they can give their opinions as to whether you’ve still got capacity and all that stuff.

I just think about it a lot and I just wondered what other people’s thoughts are. So, yeh, I’m all up for dignity in dying. If I had my choice I would like to be able to go to Switzerland or preferably somewhere in the UK , but at the moment it’s Dignitas in Switzerland, I’d like to go there with my husband and just sort of have a nice, I don’t know, peaceful death, and it’ll be at a time of my choice.

So yes, sorry to be so gruesome but I can assure you I’m of full mind, I’m not depressed, I’m not sad. I talk about this openly regularly, almost daily with my husband, and please don’t worry that I’ll do anything  silly. I’m perfectly fine. OK I’ll end it there. Thank you very much. Bye for now.