Tracey ponders the need to be busy and positive all the time.

Oh it’s Tracey, I just wanna say that sometimes, well last week, was quite a bad week for me because I have overdone it. I had a meeting like nearly every single day and I was out and about here there and everywhere. Like for example in, on Wednesday I was in London, in Ramsgate on Thursday and not last week the week after, no the week before, sorry, and in Canterbury, is it, on Friday? And I just, in the old days when I first got diagnosed with dementia I used to, if I was in London, I would always just book the day off afterwards I would just write it in my diary so I would just know because, in big letters, but recently I’ve just been forgetting to do that. I mean I’ve been thinking well the meeting actually in London lasts for two hours so therefore that’s not too bad but then I keep forgetting that I have to travel and sometimes it takes longer to travel than it is to actually have the meeting. So, like it takes two hours for example to get to Hastings two hours to get back so that’s four hours, so like that’s being away from the house for six hours or seven hours sometimes, that’s like a days work really, you know. So now by the time the end of the week came coz I’ve obviously had meetings on Monday and Tuesday as well I was exhausted. I mean I felt resentful of the dementia. I felt like I was it, I mean sometimes I do resent that I have dementia. Yes, I know that we all live where, and we all do the best that we can all that sort of thing but it’s, I get resentful of the fact that I’ve got dementia that I have to keep going to keep the dementia at bay. Sometimes I just wanna sit and just chill out and just not do anything and not be, I’ve not being one not to do anything anyway so I can’t say that but I find that I just get resentful that I have to do things to keep my mind active to do things and it just gets exhausting and I feel it’s unfair that we have to do that, that I have to do that. But this week, well last week, I had, was an easy week, except for meetings and this week is terribly easy which is lovely. I’ve had a potter in the garden just do the things that I want to do. But I just feel that sometimes you know it just gets a bit too much, you know, you have to be positive all the time. Why do we have to be positive all the time? Why do we have to, you know, think how wonderful it is to have dementia when actually it’s crap most of the time and I know that my dementia is getting worse gradually because I know it is, if I suffer a small change but nobody will see that in me probably because I have it. Anyway I hope you have a good day. Bye now.