Keith Oliver Part Three – ‘Dear Alzheimer’s’

I am unsure what I would have thought back in January 2010 had someone told me then that a few months later I would be diagnosed with a disease which is reported to be the most feared amongst the over 45 age group and the largest cause of death now in this country. The words of Dr Aston my initial consultant Psychiatrist are running through my mind as I write this. I asked her how I would have until I was a typical person with dementia. Whatever that meant. She shrugged and said I don’t know. six months? six years? She wouldn’t go beyond that. Here I am, seven years later being filmed by the BBC. Am I the same person? How have I changed? I look in the mirror and I see a reflection of myself. I read what I have written. I watch myself on film. Whilst the images are clear, the memories are not. How do I see myself? How do people see me? Some have known me before 2010, others have come into my life since. My book tells this narrative with a focus on the past seven or eight years. I have opened my diaries and journals to you the reader as indeed I have opened my world for you to visit the foggy recesses of my mind. My diary remains as it always has been, a vital planning aid looking forward to forthcoming events and commitments but has also increasingly served as a substitute hippocampus. Logging and beginning the process of making sense of and then placing in an increasingly flawed filing system of my brain. I need to strive to be able to thrive, and I demand an awful lot of myself, leaning heavily on my diary and journal notes which I read, check, re-read, check and read again. My memory was very good until my early 50’s. My father used to say “Keith has a photogenic memory”, he was nearly right! This was the case even during my hazy days as a student this time caused by cramming beer, chips and lecture content into what was a reasonably good body and mind.

My appearances largely look the same, and when I am remembering to do my balance exercise my walk seems the same. Whilst words sometimes confound me, my voice remains unchanged and despite all of this I feel fundamentally different and centrally to this my thinking is now almost always emotionally dominated. I hope this book gives the reader insight into the world of a person with dementia, how I strive to live as well as possible and how this journey has thus far taken me on many ups and downs.