The quiet. This is what my life is like.

I’ve had an horrendous er, couple of weeks er, it’s erm, I had my wife’s erm ashes, erm, I lost my Tally on Friday, I had to have him put down before, which was on the 17th of November 2018, he was erm he was a fantastic dog, erm greyhound, he had a stroke and as usual erm, no vets available, it was six o’clock at night and by the time I got in to the vets it’s was quarter past nine, er and erm, I had to take him to (inaudible) with is eight miles away and I’ve just been in the darkness for the last three weeks and I’m just, and I’m just coming out of it now and it’s er, it’s a place where I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, erm, I can’t explain, it’s something holding you down, holding the darkness and for, for three weeks now erm, and my other greyhound Bonnie was upset at losing (inaudible) it’s, I wanted to give another a good home erm, I’ve got, got another greyhound, Appolo, er, (inaudible) his racing name, he’s all black er, fantastic dog, he’s been kennelled for a year, erm he’s the longest serving, serving member of the kennels and erm, oh he’s such a beaut he’s got a fantastic aura and erm, I’ve fallen in love with him already, Bonnie’s in love with him, she’s got a partner so er, erm, I was saying about my darkness I’ve been in this last three weeks it’s erm, been incredibly horrible erm, I just wanted to shut myself away, I just say that er, on my wife’s ashes it was a beautiful Sunday 19th November, it was a beautiful day for, to be let free and just a tremendous emptiness in the house now that my wife’s ashes have gone, I’m not trying to be morbid or like that but it is, just feels the heart has been ripped out of my house, the heart is not there, I actually see another lady who I meet on, er on my walks with my dogs, her father died a fortnight ago so I met her on, coming back from the walk and I remember just trying to console her, she’s crying and upset, nothing else I could do you know, you know I could I’m sorry because she really is a nice lady and er I was out with my two dogs and erm I come across this lady with her mother, erm and erm, her mother’s the same it’s broken, broken, broken-hearted. I just can’t seem to get out of the erm, the darkness of death, erm at the moment, there’s so may, so may er things that you see in the paper, the paper that have Oh, it’s horrible, it really is horrible, erm, I’m dragging this audio on, it helps me when I speak in the audio, it’s just allows me to, to express my feelings and to share that, share it with so many people. Erm, that er I come across and share with the audios incredible and I just feel privileged erm I’m able to do, to do the audio, I’ve been trying to write a poem and I just, evertime I go to write, there’s nothing there, there’s just an emptiness and erm, I will write one and when I have I’m going to put it on the audio for, for the people here to enjoy. Hopefully it’s not too dark and er I haven’t been able to read at poems since erm, the quietness is what my life is like at the moment.